how babies are made
*from Louis, Pharyngula reader*
When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, sometimes the mummy will look at the daddy’s thingy and the daddy will look at the mummy’s hoohoo and they will give each other a special hug. They have to be married to do this or else mummy is a horrible, horrible slut.
Then the fairies at the bottom of the garden will ask The Baby Jesus to give mummy a baby who they can look after underneath the gooseberry bush until it’s time for Mr Stork to put it in mummy’s tummy and simultaneously deliver it to the hospital. Or trailer, if mummy is poor and a horrible, horrible slut who hates The Baby Jesus.
Sometimes one mummy and another mummy look at each other’s hoohoos, and sometimes a daddy and another daddy look at each other’s thingies (or to use the biological term: wee-wee. See also: dingle). This is Evil and makes The Baby Jesus cry. This type of behaviour is responsible for hurricanes, floods, house prices collapsing, economic downturns, AIDS, high petrol prices and unhappy hair cuts. But not earthquakes. Ladies’ tatas cause earthquakes.
If mummy is a horrible, horrible slut who hates The Baby Jesus sometimes she will use something called “country reception”. This is something to do with radio in rural areas and means that mummy does not have babies. This is worse than something else called “a bore shun”, which is when someone is not listened to when talking a lot about The Baby Jesus. “A bore shun” kills babies and is responsible for deafness and Satan worship. “Country reception” is worse than “a bore shun” because it is free and hurts less.
The reason it is free is because Libraries, who hate The Baby Jesus and America, make Good Honest Baby Jesus Loving Americans pay for mummies who are horrible, horrible sluts. And also for mummies and daddies who only like other mummies and other daddies, which is nearly as wrong as being Black, Mexican, disabled or mad. Not mad in the good way, like rich people, but mad in a naughty way like poor people or daddies who like other daddies.
I hope this helps.
P.S. I copied this verbatim from the Discovery Institutes “Thicker End of the Wedge” documents on “Teaching the Controversy in the Reproductive Sciences and Social Policy”. A most enlightening organ.